Fears! Vulnerability! Two of my favorite subjects!
When I'm getting to know someone, I want to know everything. I want to know the best things about them, the worst things, the last time they laughed until they cried, the thing they're afraid of most, and then the thing that scares them more than that. This blog post is the ten things that I freak myself out with most. Some of them are irrational, some of
them are genuine fears, some of them are just self-doubt whispering in my ear.
It's easy to portray that everything is great and perfect because it's so easy to lie on the internet. In fact, most times it's not even lying! It's just not bringing light to the dirty secrets, the failures, or the fears. I'm not about that business. I think that especially if you're hiring someone who will see you potentially be vulnerable, you should see me be vulnerable as well. We're all just people on this earth living our lives and doing our best. Fearing something is human nature. So, here we go!
I'm scared I'll forget to bring a camera to my session.
This is something I fear, kid you not, every single time I have a session. If you book a session with me and you see me walking towards you, sixty-seconds before that I was breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't forget my camera. It doesn't matter if I vividly remember putting it in my car and then checking it moments later at a stop sign at the end of my street. I'd love to tell you that this won't plague my mind and it's something I'll grow out of, but I'm simply not convinced.
I'm scared that I scare away new clients.
Phew, getting deep and we're only on the second one! This is definitely something that is from the little self-doubt monster. There's many reasons that I feel this way. I'm a young adult, I use a lot of exclamation points, I get very personal on this blog. The biggest contender on why this fear exists is because I don't feel like I am the embodiment of a professional that I see in my own head. There isn't a brick and mortar for my business, I don't have sessions booked up to my eyeballs every single week, and for some reason I think because I don't own a pantsuit that it makes me less of a professional.
However, I recognize that I am a professional! I pay taxes, damn it. What's more professional than having a CPA?! In my mind, nothing.
I'm scared of falling during a ceremony.
This... this is self explanatory. I've fallen twice during family portraits and each time I counted my lucky stars because at least it wasn't during the ceremony. I do my best as it is to stay quiet and be a little photo ninja. Falling is worst case. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I'm scared of IPS.
IPS: In person sales.
Ever since I started photography, I've always thought that I should just give as many photos as I edit. I put the time into editing them, and if they're edited that means that they must be good photos! This is a controversial topic in the photography community. Some people say that you're undervaluing yourself if you don't do IPS. I met a woman who says she does reveal meetings with her wedding couples and makes sales there directly! I didn't even know that was a thing!
I might change my business model and learn to fall in love with IPS. But for now, it terrifies me.
I'm scared of never being truly successful.
Everyone has their own different meaning of success, or their own goals to reach to be able to say, "Yes. This is it."
Maybe I'm scared of never truly being successful because I don't know what that goal, or what that line of success is. I suppose it would be making a handsome figure income each year, continual growth, and supporting myself on my own while being able to be comfortable and not stretching myself thin. Well... okay maybe I do know what it is.
Regardless, I'm scared of never reaching that point with photography. I've put all my eggs in this basket, and if I stay stagnant I don't know what I'd do.
I'm scared of making kids cry during children sessions.
Doing children sessions, or even doing family sessions but then getting solo or coupled shots with kids, I love it! Some kids, however, you really have to work for that smile or that giggle. Sometimes I get scared that doing prompts with them will either drive them to the point of frustration crying, or that somehow I will just simply become too scary and they will cry. I hate making kids cry. If I make someone cry, there's a good chance that I will cry. No one wants a crying kid, or a crying photographer.
I'm scared of delivering photos that clients hate.
This is a fear that ebbs and flows and it goes hand in hand with (unwillingly) befriending the little self-doubt monster. After delivering nine out of ten galleries, I'll be proud of myself and the work I've delivered. But the one out of ten times, no matter how proud I'll be of what I sent, there's the fear that they'll hate them.
I'm scared of big projects.
Big projects freak me out just as much as they inspire me. It's such an unfortunate battle inside of me every time I get an idea for a project that's more than promoting a mini session. Once everything is moving and I'm in the thick of a project, I love it. I feel like I almost thrive in self-induced chaotic times where there's so much creativity and newness. The fear comes in right after the excitement and inspiration behind a project lose their sparkle, and I remember that failing is always a possibility, and that any big project takes so many hours of hard work. Luckily, most of the times I can push past the fear.
I'm scared of dropping my camera into a deep body of water.
Another one that's simply self explanatory. I've seen too many videos of photographers falling backwards into fountains, or falling off of docks and into oceans, rivers, ponds, lakes, whatever! It's stressful. Unfortunately, water is so beautiful and I will never say no to shooting near it. I will just grip my camera too tight and maybe break a sweat.
I'm scared of the next step.
In photography, or in my life, the next step is scary. I definitely am a creature of habit, and I settle into my routine or my way of life and I just want to stay there. It's scary to think about the next big thing I have to change, or a daunting task that will take me in a new direction. However, just like being scared of big projects, nine out of ten times I will do it anyway.
There we are, folks. An entire post of being vulnerable, taking about my fears, and only using one picture!
It's important to recognize what you're afraid of. If we never truly think about it, how will we ever know that we have things to move past? Even just something as simple as being afraid that I'll forget my camera is something I need to work to move past. I need to trust myself that I did put it in the car and there's no need to check for it multiple times.
As I said in the beginning of this post: having fears is human. If you fear nothing, it's ignorance. It's almost beautiful to have such fears, because then we know that things are important to us. Someone who is afraid of drowning values their ability to breathe. Knowing I'm afraid of failing proves to me that success and photography are important.
If you're comfortable doing so, let me know what you're afraid of.